Getting a new Paci!!!

Hey guys, hope all is well and everyone is staying safe. I am super excited because i ordered my first adult pacifier. Pacifiers have long been a comfort item for me. Even having one in my pocket to play with when in im in public and not able to suck on it. Today i ordered a new adult pacifier and am anxious to try it out.

Pacifiers are interesting to me because they provide so many therapeutic qualities. We always discuss how sucking on pacifiers feels soothing. I personally found that there are multiple ways that pacifiers are soothing.

The feel

As i described above, i love just holding them in my hand and feeling the different textures. The pacifier becomes like a fidget spinner or a stress ball providing sensory stimulation that i personally find soothing and relaxing.

The way it ‘hugs’ my mouth

One of my favorite feelings is how the pacifier presses.against my mouth. The compression, like a weighted blanket, has a calming effect which i find highly therapeutic. This is one reason i am so excited to get my new pacifier. I am super excited about the large mouthguard and hoping it makes this experience even better!

The look

Im sure most would agree that pacifiers are just plain cute. I know i do. Just looking at puctures of pacifiers is something i find soothing and therapeutically stimulating. Especially pacifiers with cute or infantile designs on them.

Oral Stimulation

This is the most obvious one. Pacifiers were designed to fulfill a babies natural need to suck. Personally, i beleive this need never truly goes away. From smoking cigarettes and vaping to chewing gum, people of all backgrounds and ages seem to have a need to fulfill the oral needs which we are born with and that the pacifier was designed to fulfill. Have you ever cought yourself chewing on the end of your hoodie strings, or remember how popular chewing on pencil erasers was in school? And, have you noticed that people are quick to state that they smoke because it is “calming”? What about gum, this is a very popular way to ease anxiety amoung adults, and even more telling, a popular way to wean off of smoking.

i am super excited to finally be able to try the adult sized pacifier. Can’t wait to try the larger mouthguard and the larger nipple, which i am hoping makes sleeping with a pacifier easier than with a toddler sized one.

Below is a link to the one i ordered…

5 Reasons for Wanting Diapers…

I wanted to post my personal feelings regarding what it feels like, both physically and emotionally, to wear diapers. The experience varies widely from person to person, so most of this post will be personal experiences. I would hope this can be a place for parents, significant others, etc., to gain an empathetic insight and understanding of what drives their loved one to engage in this regressive approach.

1. Oxytocin…

We all love hugs! We hug our loved ones, we hug our friends, many of us even hug our pillows! A hug releases oxytocin in the brain, which is a chemical that makes us feel good, feel happy, and as some studies suggest, increases our self esteem and ability to process emotions.

Think for a moment about what a hug feels like. Think about that warmth. Think about the compression and weight. Think about what that felt like as a child when you were scared, or hurt, or just happy to see someone you missed. What about a thick, heavy, warm, soft, blanket?

These feel good moments are much the same as what has maintained my compulsion towards diapers both as a child and as an adult. The thickness and compression of the diaper feels like a hug that you can take with you and that can provide those ‘feel good’ moments throughout the day.

2. The ‘Cute’ Factor…

I have noticed that all five senses have some involvement with regression, and sight is no different. ABDL diapers have been popping up all over place and, in my opinion, for good reason. Something about the ‘babyish’ look of certain diapers creates a feel good effect by just looking at them. The look helps with feeling ‘little’ and offers a type of comfort that even i do not yet fully understand.

3. Incontinence/Bedwetting …

Well, let’s face it, diapers were made for a purpose. And this purpose is a huge topic among regressors. “Should i ‘go’ in the diaper?” “Isn’t that too far?” “Isn’t it wasting if I don’t ‘go’?” I know that for onlookers, this is the biggest turn off on this subject. Why would anyone want to pee or poop thier pants when they are very well capable of going to the bathroom. Many, however, are not capable of making it to the bathroom. You will notice that many in the ABDL community actually do suffer from incontinece and/or bedwetting. Using a diaper is not a ‘choice’ for many.

4. Emotional Security…

I grew up having accidents until i was in the 6th grade! It was possibly the most traumatizing thing of my whole life, and it lasted for many years of my childhood. I chose the image above because that was a very common scene in my childhood. I look at this picture and I am right back at recess in 5th grade. Just as people who have been through physical trauma have a need to feel safe, I have a need to feel ‘secure’. Even though this part of my life has long been behind me, it remains very much engrained in my psychological makeup and mental health. Wearing a diaper feels secure and worry free that i will not be subject to the ridicule and humiliation that plagued half of my childhood. Wetting a diaper, while not something i personally do all the time, is comforting in a sence that i am in control of the thing that caused so much shame in the past. Also, the physical feeling of a warm, wet diaper adds to the “emotional hug” feeling.

5. Heck if I Know…

Diapers are like water, in that there are so many benefits we dont yet fully understand. We all strive to understand our desires and needs and this is what drives good dialog. Could it be our upbringings that somehow allowed these feelings to develope? Or maybe something in our genetics that made us prime candidates to develope a compulsion towards diapers? There are so many thoughts, ideas, theories, and assumptions that leave very few stones unturned regardinging possible causes, that one can go on an endless journey to explore the inner workings of thier personal motivations.

Wrapping up…

Again, most of these are my personal experiences. I have spent a long time developing an understanding of why I have these feelings and compulsive desires yet still have barely touched the surface. I know many are still working through why they feel the need to wear a diaper and what caused this need. I would love to hear feedback and your experiences. And as always feel free to ask questions if you know of someone who regresses and want to know more.

My Story

Throughout the years, i have spent countless hours trying to understand a secret of which i maintained since a very young age. Being tasked with fulfilling my emotional needs whist hiding the very fact these needs exist from any other human being is more than i was equipt to handle. What was wrong with me? Why did i have these compulsive desires to return to a time in my life i couldn’t even remember? Was i alone in these feelings? Surely i must be. No other child could possibly have the urge to indulge in infantile acts. No other person could possibly understand the comfort and self-soothing nature of being in diapers at my age.

I was about 5 years old when i first remember thoughts of wearing diapers. I remember having a dream where my friend’s mother told me i had to put on a diaper because i was having accidents. In the dream i was terrified! I awoke before she had a chance to act on her statement. It was then i remember wishing i hadn’t woke up before actually being in a diaper. Night after night, i went to bed hoping that this dream would have a chance to progress further. Unfortunately, it did not.

I remember small instances after that, such as asking the neighbors if i could play in their child’s playpen, asking to sit in car seats in other peoples people’s vehicles while i was still small enough. And of course, finding any way possible to get my hands on a diaper. Being alone in my room under the covers in a diaper was a comfort and emotionally soothing event which i did not understand, however was something i endulged in countless times throughout my childhood. This grew to include the use of pacifiers, bottles, and many other items to help the regressive experience and affect.

Living with intense regressive behaviors and emotional needs created a very lonely adolescence. Feeling ashamed of who I was not having any outlet to discuss these feelings was a daily battle that plagued my mental health over the years. Battling between going to great lengths to hide this side of me while wishing i could grab anyone and let it all out destroyed my self esteem to a point which i am still battling to repair.

I started this blog to explore these needs and help others who struggle with understanding themselves and others. Call it regression, call it infantilism, call it AB/DL, or whatever other descriptive titles that arise throughout the years. This blog aims to be analytical, educational and be open to a wide community of readers from any age to any degree understanding or involvement with this subject matter. It is my hope that this site will be a safe space for others to comment and ask questions as they feel comfortable.