Throughout the years, i have spent countless hours trying to understand a secret of which i maintained since a very young age. Being tasked with fulfilling my emotional needs whist hiding the very fact these needs exist from any other human being is more than i was equipt to handle. What was wrong with me? Why did i have these compulsive desires to return to a time in my life i couldn’t even remember? Was i alone in these feelings? Surely i must be. No other child could possibly have the urge to indulge in infantile acts. No other person could possibly understand the comfort and self-soothing nature of being in diapers at my age.
I was about 5 years old when i first remember thoughts of wearing diapers. I remember having a dream where my friend’s mother told me i had to put on a diaper because i was having accidents. In the dream i was terrified! I awoke before she had a chance to act on her statement. It was then i remember wishing i hadn’t woke up before actually being in a diaper. Night after night, i went to bed hoping that this dream would have a chance to progress further. Unfortunately, it did not.
I remember small instances after that, such as asking the neighbors if i could play in their child’s playpen, asking to sit in car seats in other peoples people’s vehicles while i was still small enough. And of course, finding any way possible to get my hands on a diaper. Being alone in my room under the covers in a diaper was a comfort and emotionally soothing event which i did not understand, however was something i endulged in countless times throughout my childhood. This grew to include the use of pacifiers, bottles, and many other items to help the regressive experience and affect.
Living with intense regressive behaviors and emotional needs created a very lonely adolescence. Feeling ashamed of who I was not having any outlet to discuss these feelings was a daily battle that plagued my mental health over the years. Battling between going to great lengths to hide this side of me while wishing i could grab anyone and let it all out destroyed my self esteem to a point which i am still battling to repair.
I started this blog to explore these needs and help others who struggle with understanding themselves and others. Call it regression, call it infantilism, call it AB/DL, or whatever other descriptive titles that arise throughout the years. This blog aims to be analytical, educational and be open to a wide community of readers from any age to any degree understanding or involvement with this subject matter. It is my hope that this site will be a safe space for others to comment and ask questions as they feel comfortable.